5 responses so far ↓

• My first thought on reading this was “Surely this does not still go on in 2008”. I don’t think I treat women any different to men at work. I do however treat quiet people differently to vocal people. Are you sure that what you are experiencing is a man / woman thing? Have you worked in mixed groups and had a different experience? Having said that, I notice that our Board of Directors has no women on it, and I wonder why that is. So maybe there are unconscious processes going on. Could you perhaps ask one of the men on your team what their perception is? Do they see you being talked over and not taken seriously? Start building up your relationship with one man who seems to listen to you and work from there.

  William |

  6 Mar 2008 at 11:24

• Thank you for this question. It’s one I was keen to include since it’s an issue that resonates with me strongly, and I know is an issue for other women too. For much of my time in the financial services world there were very few women either at the same managerial level as me or in more senior positions. Though for the most part I was bothered less by differences in style than by a sort of loneliness. The one wish I had more than any other was that there were more female role models around! But I did encounter enough situations like the one you report to recognise it.

  I’m reluctant to generalise, as this can serve to perpetuate stereotypes and the self-fulfilling expectations which arise from them. Yet my own experience, as well as that of other men and women I’ve spoken to, suggests to me there are cultural differences in the way men and women communicate. Perhaps more noticeably so in the generations preceding mine. I hope we can encourage more discussion about this here, by both women and men.

  So… I’m going to be looking at your question from a coaching perspective: looking at what’s actually happening, from various angles; generating and testing out a few hypotheses; then exploring options and opportunities. That’s what I’d like to do now.

  First, as William’s suggested above, I think it make sense to start with what’s within our personal sphere of influence. So, with this in mind, let’s explore what else could be contributing to your experience rather than (or in addition to) the obvious gender difference. Could it be, for example, that you are a relative newcomer to an existing team where the group dynamic is already established? Could you have hit a tricky stage in the team’s formation or development? Are you bringing to the group an expectation, a work ethic, new demands or a style which disturbs the status quo, generates resistance or even hostility? Are you sufficiently tuned in to the politics, alliances or hierarchies within the team to be able to either respect or challenge them effectively? Could your team members be talking over you as a reaction to not experiencing being heard themselves? Is there any possibility of resentment or disappointment that someone else (including one of your team) didn’t get the job you’ve got? If so, are they actively seeking to help you succeed in it? I also wonder whether you might have some uncertainty, doubt or nervousness about your role, which the guys are sensing? Or is your team a collection of naturally noisy, forthright individuals who are just being themselves in your presence?

  I notice you refer to your team as “goods guys at heart” and I think it would be remiss of me not to question something here. Are you saying you understand them to have good intentions, despite the fact that they talk over you? And is there any possibility this could be a way of excusing their behaviour, and thus colluding in it?

  I notice, also, that you say you prefer working for a male than a female. This causes me to question whether you may have some existing preconceptions about gender differences in the workplace, which are playing themselves out here. I know some women do prefer working for men. Unfortunately I once heard this myself from a female who was assisting both me and my (male) boss! I wonder if you’ve come across the Mahatma Ghandi quote, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world?” You see, if you prefer working for a male rather than a female, what’s to stop your male team members feeling the same way? Are you even expecting them to feel the same way? And, if so, how are you going to encourage more ambitious females to fulfil their leadership potential?

  It would be interesting to know why it is that you prefer working for a male than a female, as I feel it could be useful for you to distinguish precisely what it is you prefer. Is it a style of communication, decision-making, or other way of being that works for you? Is it the chemistry that sometimes occurs across genders? Some reflection on this may pay dividends. And, once identified, perhaps there are aspects of the preferred behavioural styles that you could try out yourself.

  Moving on, then, to options that you could consider practically implementing, here are a few initial thoughts:

  · Take a reality check, as William suggested. If there’s a team member you know and trust well enough to be open with, you might be able to ask him for his perception. Ask also for ideas about how you can get more air time, and a greater experience of being taken seriously.
  · Only you will know whether this would work given your relationships and your circumstances, but another option would be to ask the entire team for their perception, and then deal with whatever comes up. You could ask them for their view of your managerial style and ideas for how to be more effective.
  · Or your team could formalise this process by undertaking an exercise in 360-degree feedback designed to take your team performance to the next level. Psychometrics and team profiling tools are perfect for this, providing insights into individuals’ styles as well as understanding team dynamics.
  · Study the behaviour and language your team responds to, and try to operate more from their worldview.
  · Take a good look at the organisation you’re working in and ask yourself is the behaviour you’ve described part of the cultural paradigm? What’s the policy on diversity? Do you have a mentoring scheme? Ask for support from HR if necessary and report any instances of genuine discrimination.
  · Be clear about the behaviours and results you actually want. Define your criteria for success in this area and begin to embody it. Examine any preconceptions you might have about men and women at work and jettison any that are obsolete.
  · Establish some ground rules for communication in meetings or conference calls. For example, all meetings are chaired, perhaps on a rotating basis; no one interrupts another person while speaking; anything that’s not mission-critical gets scheduled to be dealt with at another time… You’ll know what’s right for you and your organisation.
  · Identify someone you respect, who’s succeeded in this area already. Perhaps Hillary Rodham Clinton or someone from the commercial world who’s succeeded whilst maintaining the values important to you. Identify the attributes you most admire and start to embody them.
  · I know you wouldn’t have been appointed to this position without the skills or experience for the job. Nevertheless, if you think they’d be useful, I have a couple of worksheets on Understanding Your Audience and Establishing Credibility which I can forward to you if you’d like me to.

  I hope this exploration has been thought-provoking and useful. And I hope this is a discussion to which others will contribute, so we’ll get a sense of other people’s experiences too. Please let us know how you get on. If you’d like to be keep track of other responses to this question, you can check the box below to “notify me of follow-up comments via e-mail.”

  Debra White |

  7 Mar 2008 at 16:45

• Dear All

  The prevalence of exactly these sorts of issues is what precipitated my establishing a consultancy to work with executive men and executive women on the difficulties and perceptions inherent in these circumstances. There is no ‘one size fits all’ answer and very much will depend on your culture and industry and the level of gender intelligence GQ in your organisation.

  Tracey Carr |

  12 Mar 2008 at 15:59

• South Africa suffers from an unhealthy dose of “Machismo”. This is an affliction harking back to pre-historic times where males would strut around in an attempt to attract the opposite sex. Many cultures and societies beside the one in South Africa still condone, or even encourage this extreme form of masculinity. The problem this question poses is how does a woman cope with this type of behaviour in the workplace. In many instances male tendencies at dominance can make working conditions unbearable. Whether it take the form of paternalistic or aggressive behaviour, machismo can be a barrier to any advancement in the workplace for women.

  In South Africa we have legislated against all types of discrimination in the workplace. We have even gone so far as to set quotas for certain groups of workforce. There are targets to be met for employing what we call “Historically disadvantaged individuals”. Women form part of what the current South African legislature terms as Historically disadvantaged. There are quotas for women, physically challenged, and people of various ethnic origins. The legislature has recognised that due to past imbalances, it is now necessary to enforce compliance to redress the injustices of the past. South Africa recognises that women have been particularly discriminated against by a male dominated society.

  This type of legislating against past injustices may be abhorrent to some who believe in a non interventionist government. When you face an extreme situation that has persisted for years, then it is most probably wise to take an official stance against this type of discrimination. Women are often helpless in the face of this type of discrimination in the workplace. Male dominance can hamper advancement and curtail any progress. This is where it is the duty of the corporation to step in and lay down the ground-rules. Women have a right to be concerned in a male dominated society. The correct approach is to ensure that the company you work for champions equal rights, and has a constitution and a corporate culture that encourages advancement in the workplace and has zero tolerance against any form of discrimination. Being the only woman in an office environment is a strong indicator that the company you work for is not serious about equal opportunity employment.

  David Katz |

  22 Apr 2008 at 09:15

• Deb – Taking at face value that they are “good guys at heart,” my thought is to start there. Using your own words and tone, it would go something like, “I know you would not intentionally do anything to act as if you don’t take me seriously or value my views, but at times you talk over me, and it makes me feel as if you don’t want to hear what I have to say.” I find that by upholding and holding up people’s best selves for them to see, they will respond in kind. Love that you asked the question. All professional women I know have this experience at work many times over.

  Anne Perschel |

  31 Jul 2010 at 14:27

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